Jacob LaFlamme

Professor Emerson

November 14,  2017

English 110-C

Revision Ideas for Paper 3

• My argument is that the internet is used for meaningful purpose, but I also want to be clear that to get to the meaningful purpose you have to get by the obstacles of the internet that would make it not meaningful; inattention, misinformation and even addiction.  I want to find a clearer way to identify my thesis to reflect that.l
• Structuring the claims in each paragraph to be specific and provide arguments that follow the claim. Reread each topic sentence to make sure that I am following the points I want.
• Rework the claims as needed so that they will reflect the thesis and the arguments I am making and make sure the arguments in the paragraph argue the topic sentence.
• Take out the claim regarding using the internet to level increase education and awareness and the balance of influence. This gets too far off of my thesis and argument and brings in a whole new set of data and information that I don’t have to back up the claim.
• Find better ways to connect the authors and their ideas and use as proofs for my claims. Some of the information is really dense and hard to connect, reread the essays after I work on the paper a bit can help me to see some ideas and concepts that I might have missed before.
• Conclude the paper by reworking my thesis and also by providing an idea for the reader to think about.  Right now I am thinking about how do we get the mega tech companies to think more about the user and purpose and meaning than clicking through to make more money.